Imperfect Mellow Podcast

Trust the Process and Let it Go

July 23, 2023 Imperfect Mellow Podcast Episode 20
Imperfect Mellow Podcast
Trust the Process and Let it Go
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Have you ever felt stuck or in an uncomfortable situation, and wondered if it's okay to just walk away? Well, here's your answer: it is. In this episode, I share my personal journey of embracing the unpredictable nature of life. Life's ups and downs are inevitable, and sometimes we must learn to let go, embrace change, and understand it's okay to change our minds. It's completely fine to depart from situations that aren't serving you well. Endings can make room for self-reflection and growth.  In this episode I also share with you a full circle moment that I recently experienced. So trust the process and join me in this episode to learn more. 

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Speaker 1:

Hey everyone, welcome back to the Imperfect Mellow podcast. It's me Susie, and I'm finally recording after taking, I think, a couple weeks off. So let's start off with talking about endings, or like when you have to say goodbye to something or you know endings. In general, endings are so difficult for me. But even though endings could be hard and it could bring up a lot of different types of emotions, I feel like it's also a good opportunity to kind of do some self reflection and just think about all the things that let you up to that point, right Up to this transition, up to this right, like ending something, something new, or maybe starting something that you were already doing. And so I recently I haven't posted it much on social media and so I wanted to wait until I recorded this podcast episode to share and so I recently actually resigned from my position at Kaiser. For those of you who follow my social media, you guys may have seen I was working at Kaiser just teaching classes, things like that, and then I actually ended up resigning, putting in my two weeks notice the day before 4th of July, and I actually ended up going back to my Kaiser job. I mean Kaiser, my county job where I was working at before and so if you all have been followed my social media, you guys know I was working with county, with the law enforcement program where we go out and we do like evaluations and stuff like that on people. So I actually ended up going back to that and so this past week was actually my first week back and so, yeah, I've been kind of going through some transitions myself. But let's talk about just kind of knowing right when you're in an uncomfortable work situation really, so uncomfortable work environments, supervisors, right, or just the work that you're doing in general, like if you're in a job and you just don't feel like you're, I don't know, like feeling fulfilled or you're not really feeling challenged, it's okay to leave. Okay, it's okay to leave. It's okay to look for other opportunities where maybe you do feel like I don't know like you like that job more. Right. To keep it simple, but yeah, I do want to talk about the uncomfortable work environment and so I'm not trying to throw shade or anything or, you know, talk about upon anyone, etc. But working at Kaiser is just like a completely different environment, I feel. And so while I was working there I was able to see just kind of like the difference with working there and working in a county agency and so working at Kaiser there was it kind of felt like I was working in a cult, sort of Like everyone is just literally so kaisered out. And I remember hearing that when I first started, you know, people would warn me and or joke jokingly warned me right Like don't get kaisered out. And I was like I won't, and so I didn't really know what they were talking about at the moment. But after working there for almost a year now, I see what they meant. And so I remember initially, when I first started, I noticed like everyone was just so like proud to be employed there, like just literally everything was kaiser, Kaiser, kaisered out, and so they just have different ways of doing things, where I literally felt like every minute of my time while I was working there like had to be accounted for I don't know, like it just really just different things, like it wasn't even just that. But I started feeling to the point where I didn't look forward to going to work. I just felt this pressure on me like I should be doing something or like I was gonna get in trouble for something, like I don't even know for what. But you know just kind of that feeling when you're feeling on edge and you just don't know why. And so when it got to that point was when I knew like, oh my gosh, like I don't know if this is for me, you know, working in this company or hospital, and at the same time I was missing my old job, you know the job that I had with county. You know, working alongside you know Long First man, whatever. I was kind of missing it. You know I had no issues with that like. And so there were moments of regret. Like you know, did I make the right decision? Should I go back? And if you've ever been in that situation before where you like quit something and then kind of regretted it, you know how hard that could be Like trying to make that decision to go back, how to go back. And so I actually ended up reaching out to my old boss and just talking about the situation and he rehired me and we just, yeah, this past week was my first week back, and so it sucked. Like asking for your job back is not easy, and so it definitely takes a lot of courage, things like that, because it's like okay, you quit, right, but now you want to come back, but now I'm glad that I did. I'm glad that I did, and this past week was pretty cool to just see everyone, and everyone was just so nice and so welcoming and, you know, no questions asked, you know. And so I just feel good, I feel happy, I have no regrets at this point. And so sometimes things don't go as planned, and it's okay, right, sometimes things don't go as planned, and when it doesn't, it could be frustrating, it could be disappointing, it could be overwhelming. But just remember, life's unpredictable and there are some things that we just can't anticipate or we just don't have control over. And so don't feel bad if you made a plan and it just doesn't work out, or just something doesn't go the way that you planned for it to go Right, and so it's okay to change your mind, and there's no explanations, you don't have to explain things to anyone, right? And so just kind of learning to let things go is the key, and just learning from your experiences. For sure, and I know it could be hard to even deal with something not going as planned, because I feel, like you know, we're afraid sometimes to make mistakes, like we want everything to go perfectly, and so if something doesn't go as planned, it could be really hard, but that's completely normal. Sometimes things aren't going to go as planned and that's okay, and so it's okay to feel disappointed, it's okay to feel upset, but dwelling on it won't change anything right of what has happened, and so you kind of just have to accept it, accept it Alright when things don't go as planned and just focus towards finding what you could do about it, like what are some possible solutions in this situation? And so I did, and so I decided to go back to my job, to my old job, and it's been great so far. So sometimes you just have to do, just do it. Who cares what other people might think? And it's not like it was easy For me. I, it was hard, like I said, like I was like, oh my gosh, what are people gonna say? What are you know, what are they gonna ask me? Like, oh my gosh, how embarrassing. Blah, blah, blah. But then I spoke to actually spoke to one of my friends about it. I was like, oh my gosh, I missed my job, you know, like a while back. And so she said something that just really I don't know, like it just got me in that right mindset and I was like you know what you're right. She said who cares? Who cares what people think? Like they're not the ones paying your bills. And that just completely hit me. I was like, oh my gosh, you're right, like who cares? Like they're not the ones that are living my life, right, they're not the ones that are working in a job that they don't like, well I don't know, but they're not the ones working right at Kaiser and they don't know what's going on, like if they're not living your life. And so who cares what other people think? And so that, yeah, that kind of just hearing my friend tell me, that is just kind of what made me go. Hmm, okay, and so, anyways, I put in my two weeks notice and so something really interesting happened during my last week at Kaiser, or my last day, I should say. So my last day was on a Friday and I only worked eight to 12, because, that's you know, I was only working part time there, and so that was my Fridays. I worked an eight to 12 schedule, so I was only there for 12 hours and they worked me till the end. By the way, I taught a class that day, and so I had a full circle moment. So in the middle of all this craziness like me feeling nervous, me feeling scared, anxious, embarrassed, you know all those feelings, right, which are completely normal In the middle of all that came a reminder this full circle moment happened and that just completely changed my attitude. From that point forward I was like you know what? I am, exactly where I need to be in this moment, and it's okay. And so when we're talking about full circle moments, what does this mean? So a full circle moment kind of, it's kind of like an experience or an event, something that happens that brings us back to where we started, and so it often feels meaningful. It could kind of give us this feeling of closure, in a way, a realization of personal growth, things like that. So it's pretty much like something from your past coming to your present and kind of, yeah, something from your past coming to your present, where it all kind of just makes sense in that moment, if that makes sense. And so I had a full circle moment on my last day at Kaiser, which I haven't shared, I think I only shared with like a couple of people, and that just completely, yeah, it just made me like I knew at that moment like you're doing the right thing. So, anyways, during grad school I did my first year of grad school for my social work degree. I did an internship with Kaiser, actually, and so I was an intern. You know, it was my first year at school. I didn't know what the heck I was doing. I think my first day of my internship they had us see clients. So I saw my first client. I did an assessment, you know, asking her all the assessment questions to figure out what her diagnosis could be. You know things like that as a mental health professional. And so I was complete like I didn't know what I was doing. And so I remember, you know, my supervisor at the time sitting in front of her, you know, to go over the assessment and all the work that I had done. And I remember reading her you know all my notes and everything and she asked me oh so what diagnosis are you going to give her? Like, what diagnosis do you think this is? You know, just based on her symptoms and just everything that was going she was presenting with. And I was like I don't know. I'm like I don't know, I don't know a diagnosis, and she's like it sounds like anxiety. I was like, oh so, yeah, yeah, that's how much. I didn't know what I was doing at the time. I was a first year intern. I didn't know what anxiety was like, what the symptoms of anxiety were you know nothing, anyways. So I had this, that supervisor and my supervisor during my first year internship. We didn't really have a close relationship or anything like that, and it wasn't and I'm not, like, you know, throwing shade at her or anything like that, it's okay. Like we're not going to get built relationships with everyone that we encounter, you know it's we're not going to get along with everyone, like sometimes you're not going to be friends with people, and that's fine. So in that case, like we weren't really close, not in a negative way either, but I was just always like a very, I guess you could say, quiet, and I'm still am a quiet, kind of shy person. I keep to myself a lot, especially in work situations or internship situations, especially in places that I don't know what the heck I'm doing, and so all of that combo, right and so, compared to the other interns at the time who were all very talkative and outgoing and bubbly and, you know, probably trying to make a good first impression, or I don't know. Compared to everyone else, I was more of like the quiet one who kept to myself and, just, you know, tried to do my work, didn't volunteer much, you know, things like that. And so because of that, like I didn't have a close relationship with my supervisor. It was just very to the point, no conversation, really, things like that. And I remember at one point, I think, when I was applying, when I started applying to jobs after I graduated, I needed like some employment verification or something like that. And I actually contacted the supervisor and I was like, hey, you know, would you fill out the or would you verify my employment, I don't know. And anyways, like her response was something like oh well, I'll just verify the dates and that's all. Like I'm not willing to provide any other info. Like it was just very cut throat, kind of like a very weird response, and so, anyways, yeah, like I just never reached out to her after that or anything. So anyways, our relationship was a positive, and so on that last day at Kaiser it was I was going up the elevator, you know, to go back to my office after I finished teaching. I was kind of like all in my head. You know, just it was my last day and I had stuff to do and you know, I was just kind of like foggy brained and not paying attention to anything like just kind of anxious, I guess you could say. And so when I got to the elevator I bumped into that supervisor. So on my last day at Kaiser I bumped into my supervisor from when I did my first internship, from grad school, and so when I saw her it was like a familiar face and so I smile, I was kind of happy. I don't know why it would happen, but when I saw her face it was like if I had was just seeing someone that I already kind of knew. That's kind of how it felt. I didn't feel like awkward or like scared or anxious or anything like I just saw her and I was like, hi, like you know, I'm like smiling. I'm like, hi, how are you? And she smiles and she's just like I'm good. But then she, she looked kind of confused and I'm like, oh wait, and I'm kind of set it out. I'm like, oh wait, you don't remember me. And she starts looking at my name tag and I'm like, well, I'm, you know so. And so I was like I did my first year internship with your program. So then she's like oh my gosh, like wow, and you know that's great. And so she's like you should come to speak to our interns and talk about your journey, blah, blah, blah. And I was just like oh my gosh you know, it was just very short, by the way, because we were both waiting for the elevator. But the elevator got there right away, so we hopped on the elevator and we were both going to the same floor and we were just kind of like oh, yeah, yeah, and then we just kind of walked our separate ways. So it wasn't like we talked for a long time, but, yeah, I bumped into her and that, after speaking with her, I like it was just this full circle moment where I was just like oh my gosh, like I feel good, like I am where I need to be. And so, even though you know I was feeling anxious, I was feeling just a bunch of different emotions, like unsure about what the heck out I was doing, like quitting my job, going back to my old job, you know, just a bunch of different emotions. And in that moment I was just like you know what I'm good, like I'm where I need to be right now. And just it was just such a positive experience. I feel, in that moment where it was just this kind of realization that, wow, you have grown so much From that first freaking internship where you didn't know what anxiety was like. Look at everything you've done up to this point and so, yeah, it was just this really beautiful full circle moment and I was like you know what I'm good, like wow, like I proved that supervisor wrong. Or you know, like I just felt good. And so if you're ever feeling unsure about what the heck you're doing, if you're ever feeling anxious about whether or not you're doing the right thing, or just just trust the process, just trust the process, trust your journey. You are where you need to be, you are where you're meant to be and everything happens for a reason. Everything that you are going through right now, everything that you're experiencing right now, is just preparing you for where you need to be. Okay, so just something to keep in mind is just go with the flow. Just go with the flow and you are where you need to be. There's no right or wrong. And so, making lessons out of hard situations, making lessons out of difficult situations, just reflect on your experiences and just trust yourself. I feel, at the end of the day, you're doing things for you and not because of what you feel like you should be doing. You know what I mean. Like, just do you and trust yourself. And so, yeah, those are all just some of the revelations that I've been having the past couple of weeks. It's been crazy. I left Kaiser on a Friday and I started my county job on a Monday, and so it's been crazy. And who made up these eight to five schedules? Who decided to do the right thing? Eight to five schedules? Who decided that we were going to have a five-day work week with eight to five? That's crazy and that's intense. Like this past week, I worked Monday through Friday eight to four thirty and, oh my gosh, it was the worst experience. I cannot do that no more. Like I was literally dying by Friday, by Wednesday. You know what I mean. So it was really hard. So, if you have an eight to five job and you work Monday through Friday in person, yeah, take care of yourself. Take care of yourself, because I don't know how you do it. It was like super hard, but yeah, thank you guys for coming on and listening to this craziness for my past two weeks and I hope you all remember to take care of yourself and just take some lessons from my experiences and what has been going on with me these past two weeks and just trust the process, man, trust the process. Thank you all so much and hopefully I'll record more soon. I'm trying to be more organized, so I have like a little list in front of me with podcast notes and you know things that I want to touch on and so hopefully you guys liked it, because before I was just recording with no notes, no, nothing, so I was just kind of winging it and I tend to like mumble and just, yeah, stutter a lot and it's like a little like mumbling and so, anyways, thank you all for tuning in. If you did listen and you made it up to this point of the episode, I appreciate you and I hope that you like this episode. If you know of anyone that is currently going through any transitions or just thinking about switching jobs or you know anything like that, make sure to share this episode with them and I will talk to you guys soon. Bye.

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